emopost #9351
i feel like im on a timer, almost. like the times been ticking down for a while and any second it could end? its a strange feeling… my idea of the future’s fading away, i think. i can’t really imagine myself doing anything- the blue room seems to be the only thing left. thought i had escaped, but… i guess its just been hiding.
or i was good at deluding myself?
i guess this is my sort of wailing wall here- plan to take this to the doctors when/if i ever go. ive got a pretty good idea of why im like this, though… ah well.
i dont want to kill myself, but i dont think id mind dying so much anymore. its not like i do anything, anyways- just lying around mainly. i woke up at like 8 today n didnt really get out of bed, get dressed till 3… no motivation to do anything anymore. its sick- im sick. but i dont know what else i can do to fix it. it seems rather imminent… nothing’s gonna change. no one is going to want me anymore- not when im like this.
tick, tick, tick….
