February 2009
23 posts
to you know who
you are a cold heartless bitch and i hate you and i will hate you for the rest of my fucking life. you used me for your own personal gains and then tossed me aside when you didn’t need me anymore, leaving me with just a broken heart and depression that yes, YOU caused. i lied to you! but i am trying to get closure, trying to get these feelings out of my mind so i can heal.
and so i will...
anger
i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you
what the fuck did i ever see in such a fucking heartless bitch like you
god i feel so fucking used
alright!
you know what? i’m fine.
well, no, i’m not 100% fine yet. still depressed. but you know what? i’m hopeful. i’m going to get better. i’m going to be just fine. i’ll ride out this wave and i’ll find someone who really wants me around, and i’m going to go to college and learn even more and i’m going to really do well now.
…IT’D HELP...
running
cool. there’s another side i can’t go now. THANKS A WHOLE FUCKING LOT.
whatever, no biggie. just was trying to fucking make friends. what the fuck ever. fuck. fuck. fuck.
FUCK.
no biggie, ill just go somewhere else. find a different place to draw and shit. WHAT THE FUCK EVER.
i fucking hate you. and if you’re reading this and think that its you THEN YEAH, IT FUCKING IS....
“And well, I- I… I got him … I- a card! And it, it, it, it...”
– Grandma, Alzheimer’s Remix. Ohhhh Grandma.
emopost #9351
i feel like im on a timer, almost. like the times been ticking down for a while and any second it could end? its a strange feeling… my idea of the future’s fading away, i think. i can’t really imagine myself doing anything- the blue room seems to be the only thing left. thought i had escaped, but… i guess its just been hiding.
or i was good at deluding myself?
i guess...
alone on v-day
knew this would happen, but it still sucks. gonna spend the day moving shit and playing pokemon i guess… bleh. loneliness.
shrug. was alone for last valentines too, pretty much; been alone for valentineses my entire life. still sucks, though..
felt like i had something to say, but i can’t quite put it into words. hmm. oh well! gonna go get dressed (so cool amirite) and all dressed up...
Re-Blog If...
nutmeg42:
mikeypizzle:
nakedtrees:
alishalynnlovely:
anotherdamnartist:
wanderingartist:
lovelywings:
You have ever walked into a room and COMPLETELY forgotten what you went in there for.
guilt
fuck life. why do i feel so fucking guilty over this? what did i do wrong? no one wants me around, i go, suddenly everyone acts like im a horrible person for being unwanted?? suddenly its me abandoning them and not them abandoning me? testing bonds and finding there weren’t any at all??
im fucked up.
fuck my life, just fuck it. im just going to curl up into a ball and sleep my life away....
“Tonight, what’s in the stimulus package? I’m guessing high-fructose corn syrup...”
– Stephen Colbert (via hunsonisgroovy)
fuckin' a.
i swear i’ve gotta be a masochist for this shit or something. know im gonna be hurt by it but i just keep fucking walking into it, like expecting a room to be full of at least shit that won’t hurt me and getting jumped every time- except by now i’ve figured that it’s all bad and i just keep going.
at least now i’ve got something to fucking build my rage off of. glad...
well, now.
as much as i wish i weren’t right, it appears i was right all along. go figure!!
at least now i know who really cares and who doesn’t. still need to find a doctor, though.
also need to send in my housing info for mont and all- wonder where they’d place me if i wrote “i’m kinda batshits insane” as one of my interesting need-to-know fact? lol.
sigh.
it hurts to exist.
and i mean that literally. as in, ‘the weight of being conscious right now is crushing me alive and getting worser and worse’. i’d put a sarcastic lol here if i wasn’t so scared of it.
starting to avoid people offline, too. craved human contact until i noticed that it wasn’t helping- that having to appear normal was getting too hard. ate alone today and read my soc...
i has a sad
if by a ‘sad’ you mean a ‘mindblowingly, crushing bout of depression that makes you just want to curl up into a ball and stop existing for a good long time’.
unfortunately i can not do this though. no, i have many things to do!! like make good use of this anatomy book i bought and do my lifedrawing homework.
…and also play more pokemon ruby, which i just bought.
...
Bruce Springsteen's Crotch Camera Attack
highlight of my day by faaaaar. also that rocked.
…that’s also the only part of the superbowl i watched. OOPS.
I want
hunsonisgroovy:
someone to hug while I sleep.
painfully ditto’d.